You know, believe it or not you really can learn something from your accuser(s). I didn’t talk about this in my book Grace to the Rescue, I was limited on my word count; Therefore a lot of stuff got left out. That’s why I am writing other books until everything God showed me is fully revealed before “my time comes.” I am called to be a witness and testify of what he has shown me.
My ex: I learned something from him and I just realized this today. Would you like to know what it was? He was in church and learned scriptures just like I did. Whether he took them into his heart to become a part of him (to become Christ like) was a decision entirely up to him. He could use the scripture against everyone (like the enemy does) or he could choose to let it change him inside. I was determined to allow God to change me. I well remember when I became born again that I was very aware that every sin known to man I had committed in my heart at one time, or another. God clearly showed me I had fallen short of his glory and it was not because of some fire and brimstone sermon; nor because of anyone parading banners around me telling me how much I had sin. The Holy Spirit did the job in his perfect way (like he does) and I eventually responded and gave God my life. My ex on the other hand “came to God” because he was backed in a corner by others over his laundry list of sins.
I was going to leave him over drug use and stealing and lying to cover it up. He said he wanted God to help him so I followed him to a church in Idaho where he swore he was going to: “Get delivered.” It never happened. While I was married to him as he regressed back to lying, stealing, drug use and the like; I remember saying; “you promised.” and I would cry and talk about how much all this was hurting his family and such. He would say to me (gently) “I’m sorry honey but you are being a little self-righteous and judgmental.” He would (in a gentle way) tell me that was I was being religious and would tell me what Grace really is in the bible. There were sermons all the time “we are not under law” but Grace. Law was the tutor to bring us to Christ they said now you are led by the Holy Spirit. My ex would tell me he prayed and prayed but the devil was winning. If I put rules or boundaries or consequences on him he said: “you are putting me under law.”
It was a blessing in disguise because it drove me to the throne of God and it drove me (literally) to study God’s word more. I had to have answers, and I had to hear from God! “Submit to your husband” was just not cutting it for me and that’s the one everyone loved to quote to me. I knew I was in spiritual danger and natural danger as well. The first time God spoke to me on this was pointing out to me the scripture about obeying the authorities and laws of the land. It said “They do not bear the sword for nothing” and I saw that Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit were in agreement to obey the laws of the land.
Because of this; I felt liberated by God to say; “you will not have illegal drugs in the house.” I explained to him it was a violation of the law of the land forcing me to also violate it if I turned the other way. Now I had a leg to stand on.
He accused me of not loving so I loved. He accused me of not forgiving so I forgave him time and time again. He accused me of not walking in Grace so I showed him Grace beyond 70X7. I do not regret this decision.
The reason I don’t regret it is because the bible says our righteousness should exceed that of the Pharisee. I gave him Justice and I walked through the fire of false accusations; proving to both God and myself I was not what he said I was. I Prayed to not be Judgmental, self-righteous, religious; or any of the things he accused me of. He did me a favor as far as I can tell.
He refused to provide for our household. I gave him scripture about it and prayed that he would provide. He said he had to work light duty because of his back pain but he would not even keep a cab driving job God provided for him. Why? Because he had to steal from the guy to buy drugs. He stole from my work to buy drugs. I did not do what they call “intervention” because honestly I don’t believe in that. It doesn’t work. God intervened and led me out and away from the person who continued to put my family in danger; In his timing. Later on I was on an online blog and faced all the accusations of unbelievers. They talk about how we are endangering our children teaching them there is a hell and called it child abuse.
They make horrid statements like: “Can God make a rock he himself is not big enough to carry?” and accuse Christians of having to have a fairy tell or made up crutch to survive in this world. They say the world was not created, that there was a big bang and we all came from rock soup out of nowhere. I endured that test too. When it was all over I realized that people are not saved by hearing the word of God. Do they need to hear it? Well; yes they do but they can have ears in the natural and never hear a thing spiritually because they are dead inside. They literally are: The walking dead.
It’s important to me to preach deliverance and not mix it with other teachings of man. What I have both seen and learned is that intervention (even) does not work unless the person wants to change. People who are forced to give up one habit replace It with another. I never demanded my ex stopped using drugs I only asked he not do it in our home. When I left no matter how much abuse I had taken the love of God WITHIN ME for him was still intact. I remember praying Please let him make heaven please let him be okay. Oh Father if he winds up “Smarter than me” In the Spirit that’s fine, just never stop working on him.”
This is a person who has walked through the fire with God determined to come out shining. This person is me and I’m still standing.